The War on Nature we have been waging on this planet is going extraordinarily well. When we first invaded thousands of years ago, it seemed like a war that could not be won. The enemy was too big and strong for us to bring down. It is with much pride that I can state today we are very close to an assured victory.

I can already picture the entries in the Universe History books: “Homo sapiens conquer Nature – the greatest force known.” What a day that will be to finally attain the dream we have held for so long!

Even just a couple of hundred years ago it looked like that day would never come. The amount of ground we have gained since then is simply amazing. Who would believe we could achieve so much in so little time.

And yet the nay-sayers still exist amongst us, the resisters are still refusing to help with the cause. Their argument continues to be based on the long outdated ideals of sustainability – what a compromise. Everyone knows that to achieve greatness, sacrifices must be made. If only the resisters could accept this.

So what if the sacrifice means the extinction of our species. It’s the end goal that matters. Extinction pales in comparison to the prestige of the Victory—defeating Nature itself. No other species has ever been known to do this. We will be the first and perhaps the only, imagine that!

We really do live in exciting times, just look at the progress report:

The last 200 years has been our best yet. We have seen our army grow from 1 billion to 6.5 billion strong. The exponential growth strategy is going exactly to plan. At current rates we will completely fill all of the planet’s land surface area by 2300. The strain this has already put on Nature is very encouraging for us.

Individual destruction of Nature through consumption has sky rocketed, and much of this is the result of the very successful propaganda campaigns we’ve been broadcasting over television. Nature is now buckling under this immense pressure. This kind of strategy is pure genius—having each and every person eat up and burn all of nature’s resources as quickly as possible. If we had thought of this sooner the Wwar would have ended long ago.

Genetic engineering, one of our most advanced weapons to date, is quickly gaining momentum. Soon we will have modified Nature’s systems enough to break it’s back. We are very excited with this new technology; the plan is to fully unleash it within the next year or two. Nature, of course, is completely in the dark over this one!

We are very happy to announce that China and India have decided to join the effort. They are both training their populations to become efficient consumers. This will more than quadruple the consumption rate of Nature’s resources. Very exciting!

I can say this with absolute confidence—Nature doesn’t have a chance now. It really is amazing at what can be achieved when billions of people work together in unison towards a common goal.

For anyone that is having second thoughts . . . . Please, do not give up now. We are nearly there. Just keep consuming, keep having babies and keep using all of that energy. If you feel you are not doing enough remember the easiest way for anyone to help is to just increase their debt load. If that does not resolve things then perhaps consider working for a company directly involved with the War effort, like Monsanto.

If we stick to our guns, full destruction of Nature should be upon us within the next two decades. We are happy to see the increase in exploitation of coal, uranium, oil, gas and metals. This is all very good news. As we continue to deplete these we will quickly concentrate our efforts on to the last few remaining protected areas and literally tear them apart. The forests will finally all come down. I can’t wait to watch this all unfold and partake in the victory. Who would give up any of this for the world! March forth, don’t stop now, we are almost there!