Building a world of
resilient communities.



GOD’S PLAN: PAGE 42,973, PARAGRAPH 6 – And Oil Shall Naturally Replenish Itself

Here’s another great example of why environmentalists are a bunch of ninnies whose knickers are so easily twisted you’d think they were wearing crotchless panties:

A few days back a small amount of oil (tarsands diluted bitumen if you want to be specific) spilled out of an Exxon pipeline and into a small town in Arkansas that nobody’s never heard of before. A few thousand gallons covered some lawns and made a few sidewalks a bit slippery before GDP-boosting work crews arrived and cleaned everything up all nice and tidy.

If Exxon Mobil hadn’t blatantly thumbed its nose at our democracy by usurping FAA authority in its shutdown of aviation traffic over Mayweather, we’d all have been able to see that this little leak was far less a kerfluffle than yesterday’s hailstorm in Texas.

Now, if these scuttlebutt-slinging enviros weren’t so busy driving their imported Volvo wagons or coal-burning electric contraptions from one pipeline-bashing rally to the next, or so deafened by the nasal contrivances of This American Life, they’d be learning the most important lesson of all: 


In fact, God has hammered out a whole lot of plans. He has plans for me and you and everyone we know. His plans range from dinosaurs to pussycats, from Godzilla to Hello Kitty. Oh my heck, He even has plans for gun violence and rape pregnancies. So is it any surprise at all that He has a plan for that liquid solar energy that powers human civilization? Yes, God has a plan for oil.

You’ve heard of the abiotic oil theory, right? As I understand it, it posits that oil is not a fossil fuel (hello, the Earth is only 6000 years old!), but a magical substance that was placed deep within the Earth on the fourth or possibly fifth day of Creation, a substance that is quite literally infinite. You see, it is in God’s plan that oil replenishes itself for our unabated use.

What’s even more wonderful is that God has left room in this Plan for our direct participation. The Mayfield spill illustrates this perfectly: God puts oil under the oceans or in shale rocks or mixed together with sands. We then drill, blow up rocks, or cook the sand to release this glorious gift. God then asks us to spill it generously upon His land or directly into His seas where it will then be replenished for us to fetch again.

Too, where plastics are concerned, it is His will that we deposit them directly into the oceans (faithful children that we are, we dump over six million tons of plastics back into His waters each and ever year) where they biodegrade under His Bright Eyes and are rendered as oil for us to once again enjoy. The cynics among us would look at this as Sisyphean madness, a madness with most evident diminishing returns. But those of us blessed with the vision to read and understand His Plan know that God tasks special men to perform great works.

Just as God’s great agents once, with long sword, harpoon and ax brought to kneel Saracens, whales and mighty redwoods in order to build His vision of civilization, so too do today’s selfless Saints of Industry furiously pump and dig and drill so that we may enjoy this civilization by His Divine Light.

And so, as I head into a gorgeous weekend of wine country wonders, I urge my fellow American citizens to enjoy in full the glory of God’s good Earth. As He loves us, he would not think to deprive us. As He is eternal, so is His oil, the greatest of gifts that will for all eternity keep on giving. Heed not one whit the doomsday prophesying of the eco-fascists. If you feel inclined, do the Christian thing, and bestow upon them a fresh set of undies.

What do you think? Leave a comment below.

Sign up for regular Resilience bulletins direct to your email.

Take action!  

Find out more about Community Resilience. See our COMMUNITIES page
Start your own projects. See our RESOURCES page.
Help build resilience. DONATE NOW.


This is a community site and the discussion is moderated. The rules in brief: no personal abuse and no climate denial. Complete Guidelines.

State of The Transition, November 2016: Steps forward continue to outnumber steps back

The global energy transition remains in a state of net forward momentum as …

World Energy Outlook 2016 – Fatih Birol in Brussels

On 16 November 2016 the International Energy Agency (IEA) presented its …

Waiting for the Climacteric: or, the Return of the Greentard

...I want to broach some wider energy-related issues with the help of two …

Peak Oil Review - Dec 5 2016

A weekly roundup of peak oil news, including: -Quote of the Week -Graphic of …

The Curse of the Modern Office

The information society promises to dematerialise society and make it more …

Howling at the USGS’s Wolfcamp Announcement

The recent USGS announcement about the Wolfcamp play may inspire another …

Transition in Ireland  

Ireland is one of the most advanced countries in energy transition, getting …