How to be maladaptive: Fourteen tips for mental activities guaranteed to enhance your misery during bad times
Those who learn about Peak Oil, climate change, and economic hard times show a series of short-lived symptoms of stress over several months, but these are normal and expected reactions to these stunning findings. Roughly 50-60% of adults in North America are exposed to traumatic events, but only 5% to 10% develop maladjusted PTSD and related problems. What sorts of beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors promote the development of longer-term traumatic reactions? Read on:
1. Mess with your sense of agency:
Put yourself into double-binds where you are either totally responsible for everything that happens to you or totally helpless to modify the course of events.
“I’m Totally Responsible!”
If you choose this route, you should entertain any and all thoughts that suggest your culpability and negligence or that will intensify your feelings of guilt and shame: “I should never have gotten into so much debt! What could I have been thinking?!? I am such a loser!”
Let others in on your asinine behavior, prepping them with lines such as “wasn’t that really stupid of me?” Choose people (such as those who hate debt) who will be more than happy to assist you in believing that you are, indeed, a loser, lazy or stupid. Their help will reinforce your thinking, making this a particularly easy option to accomplish.
“I have no control!”
Or, if you prefer to be totally helpless, repeat “I have no control over anything,” whenever you begin to feel a sense of direction, possibility, or purpose. This should be repeated like a mantra. “I have no control over anything. I have no control over my feelings or thoughts. I have no control over my actions. I have no control over (fill in the blank.)” Focus on ignoring the basics that are most impactful to people right after a disaster, such as food, water, shelter, coordinating the reunification with loved ones, and health care supplies. Don’t think out possible outcomes, alternatives, and the like. Remain as ignorant as possible to the areas of control you do have.
2. Perfect your paranoia:
Don’t let down your guard! Be hyper-vigilant, ruminating, and brooding.
There are two versions of this option you can choose from, depending on your natural bent. The first is the milder form and involves entertaining thinking that goes against countervailing wisdom just BECAUSE it is contrary. Act counter to expert advice, even in cases when it agrees with your own best evaluation. Then, worry that you aren’t doing anything constructive. Repeat.
The second version is for the more hard-core. This involves monitoring the “doomer news” multiple times every day and searching for deeper “meanings” or patterns in past and current events that will help you uncover the “why” questions for which there are no satisfactory answers. As an adjunct to this, continually share your most outlandish theories with family, friends, and strangers, especially during times of intense conflict and stress between you. Be sure to talk as fast as possible, as loudly as possible, as insistently as possible, and connect every conversation back to your theories. Be single-minded.
As Churchill reminded us: A fanatic is someone who won’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
As your family, friends, and acquaintances begin to avoid you, tie this in as evidence of their involvement in the conspiracy or blame it on their utter “sheeple-ness.” Feel free to share this opinion with them.
3. Focus on the personal “unfairness” of the situation:
Make yourself the victim:
“I’m a walking target!” “Other people have it better than I do. Why is my life so much worse than everybody else’s?” “Why do I have to have problems other people don’t have to have?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why me?” “Why now?”
Look at others whose situations appear better than yours and envy or blame them. “That jackass! He’s an idiot! What did he do to deserve a doomer retreat in the hills and a Prius while here I am stuck in a crappy suburb driving a gas-guzzling SUV?” You have to be capable of lots of self-deception to do this one well; rationality is your enemy. If they have no retirement accounts, resent them that they’ve got nothing to lose if the market crashes. “Ya, sure. It is easy for them. They’ve never had anything to lose, so what do they care!”
If you have ever engaged in sports or watched them on TV, you will have incorporated the winners and losers mentality, the competitive drive, which will assist you in this endeavor. Just feel your “Inner Loser;” this will motivate you to feel victimized, because after all, we all want and deserve to be winners.
Believe nothing positive will result from the experience.
4. Assume you are worthless or incompetent:
Emphasize how incapable you are of dealing with the new reality and how you can’t rely on yourself for anything. Reiterate over and over that you have no skills and couldn’t, for example, grow a garden if your life depended on it (and when you realize your life does depend on it, go on to Number 5).
Believe that anything you do to try to mitigate the effect of hard times will be inadequate, wrong-headed, and counterproductive. See yourself as continually vulnerable and dwell on how your inability to cope will bring you and your family to the brink of utter destruction and beyond.
Reject any attempts at goal-setting as fruitless and if you do make a “Goal, Plan, Do, Check” approach, lose the list or don’t follow through with it.
5. Engage in “head in the sand” behavior:
Persistently pine for the days when you were ignorant of what was coming and believe that this ignorance was bliss.
Better yet, refuse to believe any evidence of current financial, cultural, political, or environmental degradation or devolution. When you have to come up for air, be sure to keep your eyes and ears covered; after all, as long as you can’t see or hear it, it is not a reality in your world. TV is safe to watch, even the nightly news.
6. Don’t allow yourself to feel bad:
Instead, medicate stress
Drugs, alcohol, sleep, or lots of ice cream (or chocolate, if you prefer) and any other avoidant behaviors you can devise. Then, assume that you are overreacting to the stress that everyone else is effectively coping with better than you. Use more drugs, alcohol, sleep, and sweets to keep yourself from feeling bad about that. You will have bought into a perfect circle of feeling bad, self-medicating, feeling bad, self-medicating…
Ignore relaxation-based interventions such as controlled breathing techniques or mindfulness strategies that have proven to be effective. Ignore your ‘body wisdom.’
7. Focus on what other people think of you:
Be preoccupied with their opinions of you and be sure to assume the worst.
If there are people in your life who think well of you, you must discount their opinions, cut them short, reject a complement, look down, and walk away with a scowl. It should be obvious they either don’t know you very well or they aren’t very bright. If they do know you well and they are bright, assume you have hidden the worst from them. Focus on the people in your life who you imagine think badly about you; hyper-focus on them. Then, be angry or rejecting toward them for what you imagine they must be thinking. As you acquire more evidence for their negative opinions, obsess even more. And, finally, allow what you imagine they think of you to dictate your behavior, so that you are acting counter to your own intuitions and truths. This will help to divorce you from your internal beacon of what is right or wrong and will cause you to flounder about in indecision and confusion. It will cause you to distrust yourself. It will also help to deaden you emotionally.
8. Project future doom:
No matter how bad things get, always assume the worst is yet to come.
If you still have a job, imagine joblessness. If you still have family who love you, imagine their death or abandonment. If you are hungry, imagine starvation will soon kill you. If you are cold, assume you’ll freeze to death.
This is the slippery slope option. Climb up and start on down. Make no distinction between “then and there” and “here and now.” Overgeneralize. Assume an endless state of doom, a huge on-going collapse that will keep you in a permanent state of terror. See yourself as the father in the movie “The Road” who never reaches the coast. Imagine not only what might happen, but how you will be particularly susceptible, vulnerable, AND helpless to impact it. Don’t try to rein in your imaginings; really let yourself go. Share these flights of fantasy with your nearest and dearest, especially those with tender sensitivities. This will hasten your abandonment and bring you evidence that you are right. And it is always nice to be proven correct.
9. Convince yourself that you are on your own:
Assume no one is safe, predictable, or trustworthy, especially those closest to you.
Include your spouse, relatives, and best friends. Better yet, assume that everyone is acting against your best interests. Give no one the benefit of the doubt. Twist something you overheard into a damaging accusation of you. Be courageous in your convictions. If you can find no bad intentions or untrustworthiness, you can at least believe that everyone around you is stupid and/or ignorant and makes bad decisions, so that you would be unsafe if you followed their ideas or advice. I mean, chances are excellent that those closest to you are incompetent and worthless, since they are associating with you, so that makes it doubly imperative that you rely on no one but yourself. And, I know there must be some people of your close acquaintance who are moody, volatile, changeable, and just flat out wacky. Assume you must come up with all the answers by yourself, must do all the work yourself, are all alone in the midst of a maelstrom with no anchor.
Ignore those who have survived hard times and don’t listen to their accounts of how they felt and what they did to survive. Grieve and memorialize in private, assuming no one could possibly help you by engaging in social problem-solving or exploring meaning.
10. Be vigilant against change:
Believe nothing good will come from any attempt to improve any situation.
Counteract any thought that there could be positive benefits from making changes by projecting even worse outcomes for those actions. Be vigilant. Vigilance in this instance implies rigidity. Stand unbending; do not sway in the breeze like a tree. Rigidity means not just rigidity of posture; it means not just rigidity of action; it also means rigidity of thought. Keep your same beliefs, your same opinions, your same values, your same routines, your same activities, your same skills, your same abilities regardless of what changes in your outer world. After all, those changes are always for the worst, aren’t they? You’ve got plenty of evidence for that; just marshal your data and start spouting. It follows, does it not…that change is a bad idea in ALL instances? Rigidity is the way of the vigilant future warrior who makes war against the future.
11. Be guided by meaninglessness:
Believe that life has lost all meaning and value.
Most of us have some family or cultural history, and some have religious faith to bolster our self-confidence. Reject these as meaningless to the situation at hand. Assume your higher power has rejected you. Wallow in depressive “What’s the use?” thoughts while lying on your bed and staring at the mottled ceiling. Count the cobwebs in the corners. When your loved ones try to roust you out of bed, tell them to leave you alone; fight with them; drive them away. If you are of a studious inclination, read Nietzsche; embrace nihilism; throw our your moral principles; lose faith in everything. Or, alternatively, if you haven’t got the energy to give up, watch TV. The twin goals of propaganda and distraction will dull you. Embrace shallowness, and allow meaninglessness to permeate your environment and your thinking.
12. Perfect the fine art of blame:
Whenever anything bad happens, don’t waste your time trying to come up with solutions; instead, ask whose fault it is.
Blame others by actively targeting your anger. Whose fault is it? The government’s fault? The oil companies’? The corporations’? Your employer’s? Your in-laws’? Your spouse’s fault? You can while away many happy hours in this pursuit. Surround yourself with other people who share your villain, so you can reinforce each other’s beliefs. “Those g-damn mother-f-king sons a-itches! If it weren’t for them, we’d still have a good life. We’d still have jobs; we’d still have houses; we wouldn’t be living in this tent city waiting for the next measly food hand-out.”
But, in the sad event that you can find no one else to blame, turn your hand around and point your finger at yourself; at least that way, you can feel guilt, shame, and humiliation and won’t lose out entirely. Whatever you do, don’t plan to take any action or cause any trouble. Just complain. It’s easier and safer.
13. Shun social support:
When facing crises, deny to others that you are experiencing any negative feelings. Make up weird excuses as to why you are crying, kicking things, refusing to leave your room. If you get on a weirdness loop and stay on it, you will soon feel really crazy, and then you will act crazier, and then you will feel even crazier and, well, you get the picture. Or, alternatively, blurt out your feelings and thoughts without regard to the setting, picking the most unsupportive people to confide in, thus guaranteeing that they will fail to understand or empathize with you.
Cultivate an air of indifference, criticism, and “you’re an idiot” reactions to others. When they act in like manner to you, use that as evidence that you were correct in your loner stance.
Don’t tell your story about what happened to you and how you felt about it. Assume you have nothing to learn from others and nothing to offer them.
14. Control every emotion & thought or none of them:
Actively attempt to control all unwanted thoughts either by dissociation, suppression, by engaging in repetitive undoing behaviors, or through magical thinking. Alternatively, lose it emotionally.
Think positively no matter how negative the situation may seem. Let nothing less than perfect sunshine enter your consciousness. Use addictive substances, if necessary, to paint reality with a rosy glow; stick with your normal routine even though, by any objective standards, it has become irrelevant; continue to believe nothing bad can happen as long as you don’t believe it can. Assume you are going crazy if you are unable to dissociate, suppress, or otherwise keep at bay these unwanted thoughts. At all costs, refuse to think about the possibility of lack of abundance, discomfort, deprivation, insecurity, pain, disease, or the death of yourself or a loved one.
Refuse to come to terms with any aspect of reality; this might lead to living in the here and now and enjoying the time you have, which is certainly not maladaptive behavior and, therefore, cannot be allowed.
If you can’t control all of your thoughts and emotions, try to control none of them. Model emotional dis-regulation. Laugh hysterically; then, cry pitifully. Demand attention for no real reason. Make a nuisance out of yourself by taxing everyone’s patience and then crying out “Everybody’s mad at me!” Freak out under pressure, lose it over the slightest difficulty. (“We’re all going to DIE!) Refuse to accept what is right in front of you and show little tolerance for things not being perfect. Focus on the past or the future, but don’t focus on what is immediately in front of you. When things begin to calm down, stir them up again by doing dangerous or thrill-seeking or sensation-seeking actions because “nothing matters anyway…”
But if you aren’t really into being miserable…
In a real crisis, survivors keep their heads while other people are losing theirs. They set important personal goals and take incremental, purposeful actions to achieve them. They not only offer help to other people, but they seek help themselves when they need it. They engage in acts of kindness, connect with others, and don’t reject help. They tell themselves they can get through it, while acknowledging full well that they may not make it. They believe in themselves. They see all experience as offering them something they can learn from. They aren’t afraid to look at awful feelings, the worst in themselves, and still believe in the best they have to offer. They actively prepare themselves for what they can realistically do, and prepare to the best of their abilities, incrementally. They aren’t afraid of change, because they accept that it it inevitable. They savor daily pleasures that they never knew were valuable before the disaster. They see the disaster as having unexpected benefits like bringing people closer, accepting responsibility for other people, recognizing their personal limitations, and how things could have been worse then they turned out to be. What is important to them changes. They see new possibilities and goals to work on. They learn about strengths they never knew they had, and chose life instead of death. They don’t see themselves as ‘victims,’ and they don’t expect other people to rescue them. They see their survival as having a purpose, and accept the responsibility to keep alive the memories and stories of those who did not make it. They don’t see themselves as heroes or villains even when they did heroic or less than positive things. They can put to words or in some other form of expression what happened to them without minimizing or hiding important parts. They have learned how to be compassionate with themselves as well as others. Their religious beliefs have been strengthened, not weakened, and they appreciate their lives more than ever before.
Footnote: Donald Meichenbaum, professor at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, wrote a great article on resilience in children and adults facing traumatic situations. This post owes major credit from his section “A Constructive Narrative Perspective of Persistent PTSD.”